And facial neurological chronic pain Super Sucks.
(ha. I feel like such a bad girl for saying that word)
(I'm sure it really bothers my mom) (Mom, if you see a 5 letter S word coming, just close your eyes)
I've been looking into my options and one that my neurologist and I both came up with was Medical Botox injections for migraine headaches.
So we tried it.
One of my friends suggested maybe they could get my elevens while they were at it.
Elevens? Oh, those are the 2 wrinkles that run straight up from my eyebrows.
I didn't know either.
So I asked the Neurologist who was doing my injections and she assured me that she would not be able to do my elevens. She was doing medical injections only.
I don't know if you have had botox injections before but it honestly just feels like wasp stings to me. Everything I've read about it says, "A single injection feels like somebody is pinching your skin with a pair of tweezers for 1 second"
Maybe it was because I was already in intense pain and my facial muscles were in spasm. I don't know. But it sure didn't feel like a pinch to me. It felt more like the prick of the needle and then the sting of the killer wasp as the botox poison swelled into a little knot under my skin. (I have no idea where my daughters get their flair for drama) The first 20 or so I toughed out and was fine.
But by the 30th on up I had just had it.
I was bawling. Took me 10 whole minutes to regain my compose.
I felt like such a wimp. And I've marked 'getting a tatoo' off my bucket list.
The next couple days the pain was much worse. My Mom even came down to hang out. Made sure the kids got fed. You know, important stuff...
And then my eyebrows quit working.
Y'all, my eyebrows would neither move up nor down. My shocked face and my sad faced and my happy face all looked exactly the same.
Not. Even. Kidding.
In fact my eyebrows were actually a little on the droopy side for a couple weeks. Not really my best look I've decided. Apparently I have some fat under my eyebrows I didn't know about and when they drooped it bunched all the fat up and my eyes looked squished.
Not really my best look.
And my elevens. They were still there.
Joy. (all the pain of botox, but none of the glory)
But the pain eventually went away almost. One day a couple weeks out from the shots, I just noticed that everything was okay. I had been busy all day long. Didn't need a break. Hadn't taken any pain meds. Wooohoooo!!!!!
Now I do have to go back for injections every 90 days. And I realize that this really only addresses my symptoms and not my actual problem, but I'm okay with that for now. Because I spent 9 months in pain trying to address the problem and I tried every type of therapy and modality and medicine and holistic approach and no one had any solid answers and nothing really worked in a way that was an option.
As of today, I have 16 more days to go until my next
Not knowing when this will end, or if it will ever end, or if it is only going to end on the other side of glory makes for a looooong life. I know God will heal me. I know He knows the plan, but the truth is that I may not be fully healed until I see Him face to face.
And that is where the trust part comes in. I have to trust in Him. One of my very favorite verses is Proverbs 3:5 and 6. I even know a song with hand motions to it. Ha! (of course I do)
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.
It's the lean not on my own understandings part that I really need to hear sometimes. A dear friend of my parents just shared this verse with me last night and I will be committing it to memory.
2 Corinthians 1:3-7
Praise be to the God and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
Sweet friends. I don't have this figured out. I don't know the perfect answer on the proper way to respond or the perfect thing to say. There are honestly days where I don't even know if I know how to completely trust God and rest in Him.
All that I know is that I have accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior. When I gave Him Lordship over my life, I also gave Him my trust. He has to be my All in All. I have to praise Him in this storm. I am not through this yet. I so dearly wish I was sitting here saying, 'I've been made it through the fire and God has refined me and I felt His presence the whole time'. But I haven't made it through. Yet. And I know He is refining me. But not in the way I had hoped.
Also, I feel so humbled and blessed by the huge response and encouragement I got from yesterday's post, 'Chronic Pain Sucks'.I had so many facebook comments and stories both on and off my page from others who have chronic issues or know someone who does. I've decided that maybe we need to have meetings where someone stands up front and tells everyone all the things that are going on with them, and then the rest of us all stand up and say together, "That Really Sucks!!!" and then we can all have a group hug.
We should have our first meeting here
and I'll bring Harry and David milk chocolate truffles for everyone who comes.
(the least I can do)
Speaking of.... a couple hours after I posted on my blog yesterday these arrived from my parents.
Hand Made Milk Chocolates. As close to the Harry and David as they could find. Bless them and their thoughtfulness!
The box wasn't opened more than a minute before several of my children had counted and mentally divided up the whole box amongst the family.
I even had this 4 year old cutie follow me outside to help me water flowers and she petitioned her undying love for chocolate.
Despite the cuteness I had to say.... sorry kids.
Mama is saving this box for days that are so rough that she is looking online for one way tickets to the islands. But I am considering running out and buying some cheap chocolate to share with them on such days.
I'm going to end this post with one of my comforting songs I meditate on during the days that I seem to almost be swallowed up by the pain. It's by Casting Crowns. This is my heart's cry and expresses exactly where I am.
Endeavoring to praise Him in the Storm.
I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining.
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
and takes away
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
and you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You
But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear you whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
And I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm